“A Real Boy” written by Christopher Stevens with Nicola Stevens
This book is not a “this is how we cured our child” book. This is not a book about what steps to take to advocate for your child when dealing with school personnel, doctors and other professionals. This is a family’s story, from the view point of the father. It is about a remarkable little boy with the diagnosis Autism. This is a story filled with raw emotion – joy, love, and heartbreak, told with sometimes painful honesty. There is no miracle cure for the young boy in this book. This is the life of a family that struggles with the ups and downs of everyday living, the amazing people they encounter who help them and their son, and the ignorant, uncaring and selfish people who pass judgment on them.
It was refreshing to read a book that was written from the viewpoint of the father instead of the mother. There is a different tone to the recounting of a story when told by a father. I saw similarities between the father, Christopher Stevens, and my husband. Both of them are very protective of their sons and quick to temper and outrage when presented with unfeeling, insensitive, and stupid remarks from strangers and professionals. I also saw similarities between the mother, Nicola Stevens, and myself. We are the peacemakers. We know that losing our tempers can work against us when dealing with professionals. We stand up for our child with reason and save our ranting for after the meeting.
Nicola and I also share a special bond with our boys. My son hates to be separated from me, although he does allow it, but unless the separation is because he is going to school or going out with his CAP worker, there is a price to be paid. With us, that price is directed at my husband. He will refuse to “talk” to him or do anything with him the whole time we are separated. He is starting to come around a little and allow Boy Scouts and Faith classes to be acceptable separations from mommy.
Christopher and Nicola’s youngest son David, is more demonstrative in showing his displeasure for separation from mommy. He would throw knock-down, head banging, ear-splitting tantrums that would not cease until he is reunited with mommy. “Even now, aged eleven, David refuses to be parted from his mum. Last night, there was a shriek and a splash from the bathroom, as he joined her in the tub. He didn’t want a bath – he didn’t even take off his shoes. He just wanted to be with her.”
There are other similarities between David and my son that I couldn’t help but read out loud to my husband. One was how, what and why our child learns. “We’d always insisted that David didn’t have learning difficulties, he had understanding difficulties. He could learn to do anything he wanted, such as unbuckle a Houdini harness or operate a video player; he wouldn’t learn to do anything we wanted, because he didn’t see why he should. David didn’t understand…and without words, we couldn’t make him.
I learned some new things by reading this book. I knew, of course, that in the past, the parents(especially the mother) were blamed if a child was autistic. I learned the term “refrigerator mom.” If anyone dared to try to call me a cold, heartless, “refrigerator mom,” I would lose it. I also learned what happened to children who were diagnosed with Autism.
Christopher recounts a conversation he had with a consultant that was observing and evaluating his son. This was at the beginning of the process of getting their child a correct diagnosis. What was most shocking was that a professional who evaluates and diagnosis’ children with autism had said this.
“He watched the children through a one-way mirror, and I asked him if he’d always specialized in autism.
‘Not really,’ he said. “You hardly used to see it, years ago. If you did, the child would go into an institution by the age of five, and nature would take its course. I sometimes think that’s still the kindest option – for the family, as well as the child.”
“When you say nature would take its course…’
‘Well, there was a lot more TB around in those days,’ he remarked.”
It is scary to think that there are people out there with this belief. It makes me scared for my son. One day, my husband and I will not be around. What will happen to our boy? Who will take care of him? Protect him? Will his sister? Will he be able to? He is still so young, and has been making great progress. There is no telling what the future will hold for him, so I try not to spend too much time dwelling on the future when there is so much to take care of in the present.
I loved reading this book. I really appreciated the honesty in the telling of this family’s story. I can’t imagine that it was easy for this father to sit and write about his son, his family, and his emotions and reactions with as much frankness as he used in this book. I think anyone who has time to read a book, should get this one, and settle down for a marathon session of reading. If you are anything like me, once you start reading this story, you will not want to put the book down until you are finished.
