Mother Of Four Ignoring Children At Beach

photo courtesy of FreeFoto.com

We decided to spend Saturday at the beach. Celebrating Father’s Day a day early seemed like a great idea. A three hour drive turned into a five hour drive. The clear, sunny day, turned into an overcast, scattered showers day. We arrived at the beach around 3:00, only to find out that it was temporarily closed. No one was allowed on the beach until the stalled storm passed. It was frustrating, because the side of the sky over the water was clear and sunny. Then you turned around, and there were dark, storm clouds.

The kids were extremely disappointed. So were my husband and I. We decided to find a restaurant to eat at and then go visit some campgrounds. We wanted to plan a long weekend camping in that area, some time in the future, and wanted to see what the campgrounds were like. After we did all of this, it was about 5:30, and the sky looked better.

We returned to the beach, grabbed out gear, changed in the restrooms and headed down to the beach. After we set up, we all went into the water. It was a lot of fun. My daughter was a little afraid of the waves, but we were able to get her into the water with a little encouragement. Once we had enough, we all went back to where we had left our things. I sat in the chair that I had to insist that we get out of the truck and bring down to the beach. I had my husband set out the sheet I brought, and our son sat on it.

My daughter grabbed her beach toys and started playing in the sand. At first, she was up by us, and then she moved down to where the sand was wet. She started playing with a little girl (approx. her age) and soon was running towards the water with her. I watched carefully, tickled and proud to see my daughter overcome her fear of the ocean and play in the water with the other girl.

That was when I started noticing that I was the only one watching the other girl in the water. The girls would run back and forth, from the water to the sand castle that a woman was building. I thought, and it was confirmed by the little girl, that the woman was her mother. When I heard the little girl call her Mom, I knew I was correct in my assumption.

There was also a little boy, about 2 or 3 years of age, that kept trying to play, but the woman kept pushing him away from her sand castle. Then there were 2 boys, about pre-teen in age, that started interacting with the little boy and the Mom. It didn’t take long before I started getting upset with what I was seeing.

The woman was so involved in building her castle, digging out her moat, that no one was watching the children. The woman wasn’t even paying attention to where the dirt was landing that she dug and threw away from her field of obsession. The toddler boy was often playing by himself, close to the water. No one watching him. The little girl, who looked just slightly younger than my daughter’s almost 7 years of age, was often in the water, with no one watching her. The mom never looked up to check out what her children were doing. She was completely focused on her sand castle.

There was no sign of any other adult with them. No one else was watching what was going on. There was a life guard in the area, but she seemed more interested in examining her skin then what was going on around her.

Part of me wanted to say something to the woman. I didn’t. You may thing that I was wrong to keep my mouth shut, but I didn’t want to approach the woman and cause a disagreement in front of all of our children. I worry about that decision, especially since we left before the other mom and kids did. On the other hand, was it really my place to comment? What would you have done?

Hi. My Name is Susie

Hi. My name is Susie and I'm NOT autistic. But my younger brother is.

His name was Davey, age 5, when he used to live "at home". Now he's 50 and named David and lives "in a home".

In our family photo album there are pictures of him playing a favorite game. We called it "Bang the Car". He called it nothing since he couldn't talk.

He still can't. He can say "Ma" and "Ba" which is short for "Mom" and "Ball".

Balls were central to his next favorite pastime: flicking an inflated ball next to his ear, for hours.

My Mom let him do it since this meant that he wouldn't be peering around corners to see if he could run off to break something, preferably a window but anything made of glass would satisfy the shattering experience his neurology craved.

Davey was the youngest of us four.

The oldest son was "normal" but troubled and liked to set fire to stuff. He grew into sexual disfunction and had a first-born son with the same spectrum disorder. More on my nephew later since research and care has made a man of him. There's hope in this story.

Next born, sister, non-diagnosed Asperger's. Better living could have been through chemistry but she suffered shuffling and shunning and shame. My parents were narcissists.

Then came me. I was always the one to order the pizza for a dysfunctional home. (I was spared the gene somehow. As have been my kids. Luck of the draw?)

Then Davey. My Mom's baby.

One day, my Mom took Davey to a barber shop and in the blink of an eye, he went to shatter something gleaming. My Mom took off after him but slipped and broke her knee. When we got home from school, she was suffering on the sofa but got up to make us "snack". We knew life had changed.

My Dad committed Davey while my Mom was in the hospital. This broke her heart.

He was put in Greystone, somewhere in New Jersey, an assault on humanity.

When we went to pick him up on weekends, we walked into rooms with sorry souls rocking in corners, or kids who had spread their feces on walls, with non-attendant attendants, and it was very frightening for me, much less my little brother, Davey. He had to live there. My heart is still breaking.

What kind of life?

In his "home", all he wants to do is paint for hours. But "they" won't let him. He's on the assembly line. Assembling. What goes thru his head? Day after day...

As an adult, I became his legal guardian per my Mom's request. But the last time I visited him, he got so sexually excited by me that he kept striking his epiletic-necessitated helmet that I had to bow out. The State will not allow him medication to eliminate his sex drive. He has to live with not understanding another in a series of frustrations. How can I see him again?

If only Davey had been born 40 years later. I used to change his cloth diapers with pins. He didn't liked to be touched. Wish I could somehow touch him now.

Apparently, Autism is on the rise. But so is treatment.

Back to my 23 yr-old nephew. Thanks to his Dad, and California, this kid will not live a life on an assembling line. He will know he has limits but will be allowed to dream and live beyond.

You can read more from Susie on her blog.

Vacationing In Virginia With The Family

I had a nice weekend with my family. We went up to Virginia, and stayed in a small motel in Williamsburg. Originally, we were going to find a place to camp, but the motel was having a special. Only $35.99 a night. My husband and I agreed to stay there for 2 nights. Nice, little air conditioned room. And it was little. The way I looked at it though, we only wanted it as a place to sleep.

Taking a vacation with an autistic child has it’s challenges. Add into that an almost 7 year old daughter, and you have your hands full. We needed to find things to do that didn’t cost a lot and were not too crowded. My son loves to wander around, and in a crowd, that makes for a very stressful day of me trying to keep up with him.

Our first night there, we discovered The Yankee Candle. This is a great store. It’s also a huge store. When you walk into it, it’s like walking into an indoor Christmas Mall, only it’s one store. There was one area that actually had it snow on you. Not real, wet snow, just white flakes coming down. Of course, they had an area where you could dip candles into different colors or make hand candles. My son didn’t want to do it, but my daughter loved making rainbow candles. I was in charge of keeping up with our daughter, while my husband chased our son all over the place.

The next day was full of walking and sight seeing. We decided not to go to Historic Williamsburg, instead we went to Jamestown Settlement and Yorktown Victory Center. Neither one of us had been to those, and both of us had been to Historic Williamsburg. We were able to get a combination ticket for both Jamestown Settlement and Yorktown Victory Center, and my daughter just got in free. Ages 6 and under are free, and she is still 6.

With it being a holiday weekend, I was happy to see that it wasn’t too crowded. My husband and I took turns with keeping up with our son. We did not stick around for them to light the cannon at Yorktown Victory Center. With my son’s sensitive hearing, I didn’t think that was a good idea. I loved the indoor museums. It was nice to be able to spend half of our time there, indoors. The outdoor recreations were an amazing site. My daughter was fascinated with everything. My son loved the turkeys and chickens wondering around.

We ended the evening with a visit to Pirate’s Cove. This is a miniature golf course, with a pirate theme. My son doesn’t know how to play, but he was willing to learn. At the last hole, he was able to swing the golf club on his own. Not that hard, but he gripped the club and swung to send the ball in the right direction. My daughter was fun to watch. She would hit/push the ball around to try to get it in the hole. By the time we were done, we were all ready to call it a night.

I picked up a lot of brochures for Williamsburg and Richmond, VA. I am hoping to plan a longer trip in the Fall. I don’t know if we will camp or stay at a motel. It all depends on whether or not anyone is having a special deal.

Letters To My Child

I would like to start something new on my blog, but I will need your help. The idea for this came from Eve, Letters To Breathe. If you are not familiar with her site, go on over and visit. I want to start featuring letters to our child(ren) on the weekend. Anyone can participate in this. I would like the weekends to be more about family, than it has been, on my blog.

So, if you would like to write a letter to your child or letters to multiple children in your life, I will post them here. They can be anonymous or include your name. It's up to you. You can include pictures, or not. That is your choice.

All letters and/or pictures can be emailed directly to me at tammy@learningfelt.com. Type "Letter To My Child" in the subject, so I know what it is about, and don't accidently delete it if it ends up in my junk mail.

TV Series Parenthood Raises Autism Awareness

I wrote about the show Parenthood, when it first came on. Now, several shows into this new series, and I am still watching it. Adam (Peter Krause, "Six Feet Under"), the oldest Braverman sibling, and his wife Kristina (Monica Potter, "Trust Me") are adjusting well with their son Max (Max Burkholder, "Brother and Sisters"), who was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

In last night’s episode, Adam’s father, Zeek (Craig T. Nelson, "Family Stone," "Coach"), moves in with the family. It was interesting to watch the dynamics between father/son, and grandfather/grandson. One very poignant scene was when Craig T. Nelson’s character describes what it s like living with his son’s family. He said that Max ruled the house.

It was obvious that he didn’t approve. Here is a man that was used to having everything revolve around him. He was in charge of the household when his kids were growing up. Now, he is in his son’s house, and their schedule and lives revolve around Max. Then he saw what happens when the schedule is disrupted. He realized how important predictability can be for a child on the spectrum.

For an outsider to come into a home with an autistic child, it could be like walking into another world. Face it, we do a lot of adjusting for our child. It gets to the point that it is easier for the family to do that. Then, over time, it becomes natural. Seeing things from the grandfather’s point of view, reminded me why my parents sometimes have a difficult time watching my son. Especially, since my son is nonverbal. When he is upset, he has an extremely difficult time communicating with his communication device. I try to make sure my parents know all of his triggers, but I always miss a few or they forget.

I think the writers are doing a great job with this show. I believe that the more people that watch it, the more they will understand what our lives are like. So, if you are not watching this show, DO SO.

Wordless Wednesday Where Is She?

Forgive me if I have posted this picture in a revious ost. I just think it is so cute.

Taking A Family Camping Trip With An Autistic Child

This year, I have introduced camping to my kids. I was worried how they would react the first time we took them camping. My husband and I planned out what to take and what we would do while camping. The first camping trip started out chaotic. We had to make several trips to the store to get items we had forgotten. Packing was a huge chore. I wanted to make sure the kids had a few items from home to keep in the tent. I also needed to make sure that I packed my son’s sheet (he won’t sleep without it), and his radio (have to be able to listen to Shania Twain).

With the truck filled with camping gear and what not (really, do we need all of this to go camping with?), we headed out to the campgrounds. It’s a good thing that it is close by, because we did forget a few things. Hard to imagine, with everything that we packed, we actually forgot an item or two.

Setting up the tent was our first task. It went up without too much trouble. Unloading the truck was a family event. All done, I sat down in my chair and watched my husband go back to the house to pick up the few items we forgot. I played games with my daughter while we waited for his return. My son, of course, listened to Shania.

When my husband returned, we went fishing. My son wasn’t happy about that, at first, because I wouldn’t let him bring his radio. Fishing went over great with the kids. My daughter snagged her first catfish, by the eye. The rest of us didn’t catch a thing. The rest of the camping trip went by quick. We were only there for one night. Not long enough for me.

Our second trip, this past weekend, was for the whole weekend. We didn’t bring my son’s radio, because he had played his Shania CD so much, that the CD player in his radio would not work. Big mistake. The next morning, I sent my husband back to the house to get it.

There were a lot of campers there, this time. Last time, it was us and another family. This time, there were a couple of scout troops. I was surprised that I knew the troop leaders. My daughter was happy to have a lot of other kids to play with. This meant that the rest of us were able to take it easy. My son listened to music and my husband and I relaxed. We did manage to pull my daughter away from the other kids long enough to go fishing.

If you have an autistic child, don’t assume that camping isn’t for you. My son loves it. The key was to make sure he had a few of his favorite items. It’s also nice to get away from the house and just be out in nature. Now, we are planning a camping trip at the beach. I am really looking forward to it.

Wordless Wednesday Camping Fun

It's great to be back to doing Wordless Wednesday. I posted some pictures in the forum of our camping trip. Here are some more cute ones.

Proud Parent Of A Person With Autism Part II

The second part of my interview with Karen Nichols.

Wow! Thank you for sharing. I have a couple of questions, if you don't mind.

1. What kinds of therapies have tried? Which ones do you feel have been successful and which ones haven't? At school, my son uses visual aids to keep him focused. Each year, at his IEP, we make sure to let the teachers and ALL STAFF, from the lunch ladies, to the secretaries, to the custodians know that Matthew is Autistic, and he's ok with it. He doesn't like hugs, he doesn't enjoy jokes, and if he is solitary, let him have his moment. Earlier in his education, he had "sensory diet", which helped alot. We now have him enrolled in Band and Art, and this has very nicely taken place of his sensory diet. We give Matthew explicit instructions as to what to do if his day isn't working out, and work very closely with his team to ensure that school is a positive environment for him.

Matthew loves to be scratched. We allowed his para-pro to scratch him during sensory diet on his arms, legs, and back. It soothes him and relaxes him. We still do this to this day. It eases him to sleep every night.

We talk to Matthew constantly about drug and alcohol use, since he is becoming closer to the age where peer pressure may involve such things. Autistic children are very "black and white" about rules, and, hopefully, we can keep him from substance abuse. I fear that if he were to use drugs or alcohol, we may lose him and his brilliant mind. We tried a gluten-free diet, and, because Matthew is such a picky eater, it failed miserably. He also has Sensory Integration Disorder, and eating foods that he doesn't LOVE simply is torture to him.

2. (Hard one here) What is your opinion of vaccines? In Matthew's case, I don't believe that vaccinations had any role in his Autism. He was a different child from the start. I believe that Matthew's Autism is genetic. However, I did not and will not have my children vaccinated against the H1N1 virus, I don't trust it. I think that there truly may be a connection between vaccinations and Autism, and I believe that we should all have a choice in this matter.

3. Are there any therapies that you absolutely would not try with your son and why? I will not medicate my son. He is Autistic, and that's never going to change. Matthew is a Human Being with Autism, and we are not raising a child. We are raising an Adult Human Being with Autism. He may do things differently, he may act differently, but, truly, what is "normal"? My husband and I are delighted with our Autistic Son, and wouldn't want him any other way. Matthew tells people, "I have Awesome-Tism. It makes me really great at math" Medicating him and taking away his Autism would be a handicap. When he becomes an adult, he will need to understand and live with his Autism.

4. What kind of support system do you have?(Once or twice a year, my parents will take my kids for the weekend and my husband is great for taking the kids and giving me time to myself) Matthew spends part of his summer break with his Nana and Papa in Arkansas, and he looks forward to this every year. His biological father has him every other weekend, and they have big adventures together. I have surrounded my family with a team of professionals who adore and understand my son, as well as my friends and family. I can pick up a phone and have someone to talk to at any time. Truly, I have silently cried an ocean of tears over my Matthew. At first, they were sorrow, frustration, exhaustion, anger. Now they are joy, pride, adoration, understanding, and gratitude.

5. What is one thing that you would like to say to anyone not familiar with autism to know? Before my son was diagnosed with Autism, I knew nothing. Now, I am an advocate. Relax and enjoy your child. When you see a child misbehaving at the grocery store, rather than making comments about how "naughty" the child is, give a warm smile to the mother who is at the verge of tears. I have ended up on the floor of many, many grocery stores, rocking my son back to reality, with strangers just telling me he needs a spanking. To them I say: "I'm sorry that you are unfamiliar, but my son is Autistic."

DynaVox Mayer-Johnson Autism Community

We are excited to announce a new partnership between the Autism-Community (http://www.autism-community.com/) and DynaVox Mayer-Johnson (www.dynavoxtech.com) (www.mayer-johnson.com). Autism-Community was launched in 2008 with the goal of becoming a hub of information for family members, friends and teachers of people with Autism Spectrum Disorders. As the community has grown we’ve wanted to expand the depth and breadth of information and resources with which we connect community members. This brings us to the new partnership.



This collaboration is going to bring about a lot of positive change for the Autism-Community, because we will be working with DynaVox Mayer-Johnson to enhance the resources and information available on the website. We're hopeful that together we can develop a comprehensive site which is useful and engaging to the community. Over the next few months they will be helping us incorporate more resources, more stories and more ways for you to be involved with other members of the Autism Community.



Some new features in the works include:

1. More Extensive Resources and Information About: Autism, ABA, AAC, Data Collection, Evidence-Based Interventions, Alternative Interventions, Assessments, IEPs, Adult Services, and more.



2. A Community Center which will include discussion topics, personal stories, tips for parents and teachers, downloadable resources and state-by-state resources.



There are many more wonderful changes to come, and we here at Autism-Community could not be more thrilled that DynaVox Mayer-Johnson has taken an interest in what we do here: provide useful information and resources to families and professional involved with individuals with autism and help members of the autism community get connected with the support and services they need.



Because we are the Autism-Community, we are actively seeking input from community members: individuals with autism, family, friends, and professionals. We want this website to be a reflection of what you all find useful and helpful. If you have any suggestions about information and resources we could offer that would enhance the community-friendliness of the site please send them to us at: info@autism-community.com. This site is all about you, and we need your input to make sure we're able to best serve the community as a whole. If you would like to subscribe to daily updates or become a contributor to the Autism-Community, visit our website and sign up today!



Sincerely,

Abby Twyman

Editor, Autism-Community.com

Brothers

It was going to be a long afternoon. Sean wanted to play basketball outside which is fine -- the weather, albeit cold, was unusually sunny. He ran to put his high tops on and grab a ball and he headed out to our neighbor’s basketball hoop. The first try, arms between his legs, the old granny-style toss, proved to be unsuccessful, the ball floating through air, touching no net, not even rim or backboard and sailing straight down in front of him. He started muttering. Second attempt was worse. It actually went over the backboard and landed in the neighbor’s June berry bush. His hands began slapping against his legs and his voice got angrier,


“Don’t watch me, Mommy. Go inside!”

“Sean, you are not going to make every basket. You have to be a big boy. No yelling.”

“ No!” he yelled, his voice edged in hysteria, “No! You go inside!”

Sean’s big brother appeared at the door, “Why is he mad?” he asked.

I walked toward him and explained that he was frustrated that he wasn’t making any baskets.

“I’ll help him,” he said and went down to the street. Sean was still angry as his brother tried to steady him, telling him to calm down and aim for the net.

I watched from the porch as each shot missed the intended net and Sean became more out of control.

“That’s enough,” I said walking to Sean and grabbing his arms and shoulders. He twisted and screamed, his body stiff as I tried to carry him into the house.

“It’s okay, Mom,” his brother said. “He’ll be fine when he makes the basket. I know. He does this.”

I dragged Sean into the house, his voice screeching, saying over and over,


“I want a new Mommy!”

All I could think was, “Good luck with that. You're stuck with the one you've got.”


Charlie came back in the house, bent down to Sean and said, “Come on, Sean. You can do this.”

I reminded Sean that he needed to be a big boy and no screaming.


“But I am frustrated,” he said, his face tear stained, even his ears were flushed red.

“I know, Sean, but you need to find a better way to deal with that. Screaming and carrying on like that isn’t going to make it any easier.”

“You stay inside, Mommy. And don‘t watch me.” his voice starting to calm, his order declared.

His brother went out with him and after the third try Sean made it. I watched secretly through the blinds and although my view of the basket was obstructed by the giant red cedar, I could see Sean’s body relax, his fists unfurl and heard no yelling -- every indication that he reached his goal.

The two brothers came back into the house, with the older brother saying,


“Good job, Sean. That was awesome. I can hardly make that shot either.” The last sentence he spoke was untrue -- he could make that shot blindfolded.

Sean was still breathless and anxious. He had built up so much anxiety over making the basket that it took him the rest of the afternoon to calm down and to lose some of his edginess.

By evening he was better, although he was tired and cranky.


“Listen to my music with me, Mommy,” he asked, toothpaste on his chin and his pajamas inside-out. I sat down on his bed while the music floated out of the CD player -- the flute and violin softening the night.

His older brother came in a few minutes later and said, “I will stay with him, Mom.”

“No, that's okay. Thank you, though." I whispered.

Then Sean piped up, “You stay with me, C?”

“Sure, Sean,” He said.

I tucked them in and said good nights and went to my room which is directly across from Sean’s room. I listened to them talk. They do not talk like brothers who are only 19 months apart. Sean talks about things that matter to him and only him,

“Who do you want to be in Monsters vs. Aliens? “

His brother plays along, “Can I be the Missing Link?”

Sean thinks it over and says, “Okay. You are the Missing Link. Is Shrek Pixar or Dreamworks?”


And then, like he always does when he goes through his litany of questions answers his own question, “Dreamworks. Yes, it is. Dreamworks.”

I am about to leave my room when I hear his older brother say kindly,


"You are a really good basketball player, Sean. Maybe someday we can play basketball together. What do you think?”

Sean doesn’t answer. There is just silence for a moment and then Sean says,


“Yellow is my favorite color.”



More silence. “I like blue. Good night, Sean,” his brother says softly.



I really wanted to hear, and for the briefest moment thought I might, Sean answer,


“Yes, I do want to play basketball. That would be fun.”


But my boys don’t have conversations like that. My older child is incredibly patient, but I couldn’t help think that sometimes he must long for the brother who can shoot hoops and talk football and tell jokes with and share stories.

My mother would say, “You never miss what you never had.”


Maybe that’s true. This is the only brother he knows -- a little brother that he has always protected and loved. They are not rivals. They hardly fight. They don’t have a lot in common. But at the end of the day, they are brothers -- and I don’t think either would be the boy he is without the other. They make each other better.


- Written by Katie Donohue Bevins, Tears of a Clown

Wordless Wednesday Hiking With The Kids

Pictures From Carolina Beach

My Son Picks Shania Twain As His Birthday Present

Taking both of my kids to the store can be stressful. When I do it without my husband, it is only done because I have to. When it is my husband and my kids, it can still be stressful, but I am not alone. It is easier when I have someone to help me keep an eye on both of the kids.

Grocery shopping is the worse. Neither one of my kids wants to stay with us. They both want to roam around. They both want things that they don’t need. I spend the whole time saying “No.” Then we get to the check out register. Really? Who’s bright idea was it to put chips and candy at the check out register? After spending the whole shopping trip going up and down aisles saying “no,” I just don’t have it in me to say it again. I just want out of there and I don’t want to listen to anymore temper tantrums.

When I go to the store with just one of my kids, it is a little easier. It’s easier to keep track of one, than two. If I am going to the store to just look around, I don’t feel stressed out when I am with just one of my children. Since I don’t have to get anything, I let my child lead the way. I follow.

Saturday was my son’s birthday. He received birthday money that he split up and piggy banked part of it and the rest was to spend. He wanted a game for his Nintendo DS. My daughter had to go to school for half a day in order to make up a snow day. My husband and I took our son out for a birthday breakfast. Afterwards, we hit the pawn shops and the local indoor flea market in search of used Nintendo DS games.

My son loved it. This is a boy that walks as slow as a snail when we take him to stores to get things that the house or my husband and I need. When this little boy has money to spend, and can spend it any way he chooses, he becomes the energizer bunny.

We didn’t find anything in any of the places we went to, so my husband dropped us off at home. Our daughter needed to be picked up at school and I was determined that our son be given the opportunity to buy what he wanted without his sister’s presence. I knew that if she was with us, she would be begging me to buy something for her.

There was one last store that we could go to for a great deal on Nintendo DS games. It was Sam Goody, a small store that was going out of business. They primarily sell music CD’s, DVD’s, and games. I took my son there to pick out a game, but, once we got there, he wanted nothing to do with the games. Up and down the three small aisles he went. He was on a mission to find the perfect CD.

It took a while, and I was just about to give up, when he finally stopped, pointed, picked up a CD and headed for the register. Wow! He did it! He picked out an item for himself with determination and confidence. I had to shake my head and laugh at his choice, though. It was Shania Twain’s Greatest Hits. Now it’s in his CD player and he listens to it over and over again. We left for the beach that evening, and when we returned on Sunday, he went straight back to his room to listen to his Shania CD. It could have been worse. He has been watching all of the different music channels. He could have picked out something that I absolutely hated. I would have let him buy it, but I am so glad he picked out a country music CD.

Birthday at the Beach This Weekend

This will be a busy weekend. Tomorrow is my son’s birthday. My daughter has to go to school for half a day in order to make up a snow day. I asked my son what he wanted for his birthday, and his answer was the beach.

He’s a lucky boy, because it is supposed to be about 61 degrees at the beach on Sunday. The water will be too cold, but the kids can have fun playing on the sand, chasing the birds, and visiting the aquarium. The aquarium used to be a big hit with my kids, but now they seem to be getting bored with it. This time around, I think we will need to find something new to do at the beach to capture my kids attention.

The problem is that it is off season. Most of the fun, family activity places are not open this time of the year. We will play it by ear. Sometimes, the most fun you can have is by being spontaneous. It can be hard with an autistic child to change your plans or make plans at the spur of the moment. Luckily for me, my son handles changes pretty good.

I am doing better this week. The swelling has gone down a lot. It is now just around the main surgical area, instead of the whole right side of my face. The bruises are barely noticeable. I still have pain, but it is manageable. I have to be careful around the house. I have been trying to get myself into doing everything that needs to be done around my home. Big mistake. Yesterday was my first day of really getting back into the swing of things. Today, I am miserable.

Two of my blog friends, Blessed2BaMommy and GrammyMouse, have suggested using homeopathic oils. I need to look into that. I haven’t had time to do so, yet. Next month is Autism Awareness Month. I will be posting autism only articles for the whole month of April. I have the giveaways that are currently going on now and one more to come for this month. I have a couple of reviews to get posted for the month of March. That will bring us to April and there will be no reviews or giveaways scheduled for April.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Surviving Down Time

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images

As I visited Tammy's blog and read of her surgery and then her time of recovery, I couldn't help relating to what she was experiencing during this "down" time.

I have been pregnant 13 times now and experienced 5 miscarriages anywhere from 8 weeks to 18 weeks into my pregnancies. To say that I have experience in surviving down time is a little bit of an understatement.

What Tammy shared is all true for me, too. It is incredibly hard to be down and see your husband, children and friends picking up your slack. I always feel lazy, more so as I start to get better but still shouldn’t resume all my normal activities. Yet at the same time, I have learned that if I don't slow down and allow myself to recover fully, that could mean additional recovery time. This would keep me out of commission for an extended period of time and add more responsibilities to my family and friends.

When I was younger I certainly bounced back much faster, but as I have aged over the years I realize that I am not the young whipper-snapper that I used to be. Therefore, to survive times when I am laid up, I created work. Yes, work.

I started working on my first business/website in 2005, right after our most difficult loss – Our son Matthew whom we lost at 18 weeks. In order not to be swallowed up by the grief, I had to do something to keep my mind from dwelling on my lost son. So I buried myself into building our website. Now, this won't work for everyone and it isn't exactly what I'd recommend; my point is that when we are laid up, we need to come up with ways to keep our minds or our hands busy and still let ourselves heal. This is how blogging and working on my Virtual Assistant business has helped me through two other losses and now a new pregnancy during the past 13 months. That's not to say that I always feel like blogging because there are lots of times when I couldn't write and my blogs will show proof of that. Other times I only wrote in my personal journal because feelings would be too raw or I was too tired to even think to write.

During morning sickness, I usually sleep because the feelings of nausea wipe me out. So unless the waves of nausea have passed, even reading is out of the question. This is when sleep is blissful because it not only rests the body, but also the mind.

As long as I was physically able, I would also gather my children on my bed with me. We’d listen to music, cuddle, watch videos and if I felt up to it, read books. The children have always been welcome around me, unless I specifically requested alone time or my husband banned them from the room so I could rest. It is important for us to still feel a part of the hustle and bustle of family life, especially since more often than not we mothers are the center of our family. If we are down, usually the family is too.

It’s hard to be laid up, but looking back, I remember that we survived many months of me being on bedrest or being limited in my activity. And actually, I think the rest of my family has grown in so many ways that they wouldn’t have otherwise. So as much as being laid up teaches me patience and appreciation for my family, it also teaches them these things and more as they take on more responsibilities.

What we often feel as a burden is really a blessing in disguise as we grow through difficult circumstances. It is possible to survive down times. How we survive and how we respond are choices we make. - written by Theresa with Faith and Family Reviews

When Mom Is Dependent On Others

It has been tough for me this week. I am recovering from my MOHS surgery and the plastic surgery. The ice packs and pain medicine have helped, but I have been almost useless to my family this week.


My husband has had to come home from work, cook and clean the kitchen. He has been doing the laundry. He has made sure the kids have had their baths and any medicines that they need. He has been waiting on me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of my husband taking care of all my needs. What has been difficult is not being able to do anything for him and my kids. I love taking care of them. I also feel really bad for my husband, because I can see how tired he is when he gets home from work.

It's not just my husband that has had to go out of their way to help me. I am a Co-Leader for my daughter's Girl Scout Troop. I am also Cookie Manager for the troop. We have a meeting tonight, and I just can not go. My Co-Leader had to come over here to get forms that the moms need to sign for their cookie sales. She also needed to pick up some arts and crafts supplies, since I have them all.

Our Area Cookie Man, (that's not his title, but that's what we call him) is coming over to my house to pick up the first payment for our troop's cookie sales. That is very generous of him to do this.

I feel bad that I have to depend on others this week and next week. I am grateful that I have this help, but it is hard for me to sit back and let someone else do what I should be doing. I go back to the doctor on Monday to have the stitches removed. The doctor told me that it would be about 6 months for a full recovery, though. I'll be happy to just be able to start doing things for myself and my family.

Clutter Clearing Choices Book Giveaway Closed

I finally finished reading Clutter Clearing Choices, written by Barbara Tako. As I said in a previous post, this book was sent to me to review and keep. I really enjoyed reading this book. I found it to be extremely inspiring. That is why it took me longer to read this book than most books.

I would read a chapter or two and put it down to go tackle a job around the house. Barbara offers practical advice and suggestions in how to not only clear away clutter in your home, but also to clear away clutter in your life. She does this without being preachy or telling you what you have to do to take care of clutter.

The one bit of advice that inspired me the most is to take on small projects. By taking on small projects, I was able to accomplish a lot in a short period of time. Each small task has added up. I organized my closet, dresser, kitchen table, and my kitchen counter.

In the past, I have done this repeatedly. Each time, the clutter would come back. After reading this book, I realized that clearing away the clutter wasn’t enough. I had to have a system in place to prevent it from coming back.

For my kitchen counter, I set up a small organizer for mail, coupons, receipts, and doctor information. I also instructed my husband that junk mail goes in the trash, not on the counter, and not in the organizer. In my bedroom, I took out the laundry basket that I was using to hold my clean clothes next to my dresser. I had plenty of room in my dresser to hold my clean clothes, but it was easier to just place them in the laundry basket.

This of course would lead to me not being able to find a clothing item that I needed several times a week. Now, with the basket out of my room, I take my clean clothes into my bedroom and actually put them away. My kitchen table becomes home to toys, crayons, school papers and other things that I am not sure where to put. Now, I take time every day to clear off the clutter from the table. This is usually done after the kids are asleep, in order to prevent my daughter from seeing what I am throwing away and protesting.

I also make a point of insisting that my daughter take care of any toys or craft projects when she is done with them. I was inspired to do all of these things by reading Clutter Clearing Choices. You can also have the opportunity to be inspired by entering this giveaway to win a copy of Clutter Clearing Choices.

This giveaway is for 1 copy of the book Clutter Clearing Choices, written by Barbara Tako.. You must live in the US to enter. This giveaway begins February 20, 2010 and ends March 6, 2010.

Main Entry: Leave a comment telling me who you would give this to and why. (If this rule isn’t followed, no additional entries will count).

You can get extra entries by doing any or all of the below. Each entry needs to be a separate comment.

1 Extra Entry - Follow @taless on Twitter and leave your twitter id in a separate comment
* 1 Extra Entry - Twitter this giveaway and leave your twitter name in a separate comment (You can get up to one extra entry by tweeting each day and leaving a comment here each day.)
1 Extra Entry - Follow my blog and let me know in a separate comment
1 Extra Entry - Subscribe to my RSS feed via email and let me know in a separate comment
1 Extra Entry - Write a post on your blog linking to my blog, and let me know in a separate comment

When You Need Support From A Friend

One thing that has been difficult for me is making friends with other moms. A mom with children that are not on the spectrum can be sympathetic. She can listen and offer advice. The problem that occurs with this is that she can not truly understand what you are going through. Her advice isn't coming from a place of true understanding of your situation.

I met another mom of an autistic child a few years ago. We hit it off immediately. She has a daughter that is almost non-verbal. She is about the same age as my daughter and younger than my son. The things that this mom is going through now are things that I have already dealt with in my son's younger years.

We lost touch with each other since summer. Our schedules are so busy, and it has been hard to keep the lines of communication open. I have talked with her every night over the last few days. She has been having difficulties with the public school system, therapists and is starting new services with her daughter.

She was feeling overwhelmed and needed to talk with someone that understood and could help her sort through everything. This is the great thing about our friendship. No matter how long it has been since we last talked, we can pick right up as if no time has gone by. We also know that either one can call the other for support.

It is very important to me to have her as a friends. She has been a great sounding board for me and I hope I have been the same for her. We accept each other and our children in a way that only two moms raising autistic children can. We both have NT children and we get them all together to play. That is, when our schedules allowed. We don't have to explain behaviors, and our NT children understand and interact with our autistic children.

The looks we share are of understanding and pride. Understanding of what each child is doing and pride of their accomplishments. We can relax in each other's company, and that is wonderful. I value this friendship and am grateful that I have her in my life.

What Makes a Mom Totally Stupid

How do you turn a mom into a complete idiot? You take one weekend with one sick child, 1 well child, and make that mom sleep deprived. You add in a Monday with only half a day of school and you get a mom who’s functioning, reasoning and thinking skills are drastically altered. Temporarily, of course, but until said mom gets some much needed sleep, said mom is going to do something really stupid.

And I did. Big Time. I had a phone meeting Monday afternoon with a potential sponsor for the BlogHer Conference. I was really excited about it. It was with (seed)+ and I had already reviewed their products and liked them. I would have loved to promote their products.

I thought the phone call went great. There was a moment when I thought they might have been unhappy that I said that my children thought they were eating junk food when consuming their product, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t until last night, when I played the conversation back in my head, that I realized what I said and what I was talking about.

I wasn’t talking about their product. I was talking about a different product. A food product. Their products are lotions, bar soap, and bar shampoo. Can you say “You totally blew it?” I knew who I was talking to, but for some reason, my mind took me to a different company and product. I know it was because I was sleep deprived. Unfortunately for me, that isn’t going to cut it.

What company is going to take a chance on a person that has done that? A very understanding company, perhaps? Do me a favor, let me know that I am not alone here. Tell me about something really stupid you have done, because you were sleep deprived. Don’t be shy, I know you have at least one story you can share.