A Moment in the Life of an Autism Mom

written by Andrea Idika http://www.mygreenfamily.ca

Today was a gorgeous fall day so we took the kids for a walk in the wagon. On our walk we came across a mom and her son on their way to the playground. As soon as the boy caught sight of the wagon he came running over. He crouched real low walking behind the wagon and watched the wheels as they turned. And when Odum stopped to say hi the boy started to push the wagon to keep it going and didn’t make any effort to say hi.

He followed us for a good ten minutes just watching the wheels. The whole time the mom was trying to persuade her son to go to the park to no avail. To me it seemed like the boy may have had autism or a sensory seeking issue like Tristan. I tried to make a little conversation saying “oh he really likes wheels”. And she said “ya he loves watching wheels”, in an effort to let her know I understood I told her Tristan loved watching wheels too. I really wanted to chat and ask this mom if her little guy had autism, but I didn’t want to offend her if I was wrong, or if he hadn’t been diagnosed. But just the look in her eyes told me I wasn’t wrong, because I know I’ve had that look in my eyes too. The look that is vulnerable, that please don’t judge my child look, the defensive yes he like wheels what do have to say about it look, and the knife to the heart look when you see younger kids behaving “normal”.

A few weeks ago I had a similar experience with Tristan. We were playing in the park outside our house and a bunch of trucks had been left out. So of course Tristan made a bee line for the trucks and started to line them up. Another boy and his mom where out too and the boy tried to play with Tristan. Tristan wasn’t having any of it and I made Tristan give up at least one truck to the other boy. I learned that the boy was two and he kept asking his mom what Tristan was doing. This was a knife in the heart moment for me. This kid was a year younger than Tristan and able to communicate with his mom, and did so by asking what was up with my child. I didn’t want them to judge Tristan or make fun of him for how he was playing. And for a split second I wished that Tristan would be able to share the trucks and play with another child.

Don’t get me wrong I know Tristan will get there and if he’s lining up trucks until he’s 20 that’s fine with me, I love him unconditionally. I’m just writing to give you an insight into what us parents with kids with autism go through. So if you see a child at a park or where ever and they are doing something a little unusual, have an open mind and open heart. What they’re doing may be soothing to them if they have sensory issues, they might not have learned some social cues yet and they may still be working on some self help skills. What they’re doing isn’t bad or wrong or weird it’s just a bit different than what you’re used to. As parents we all want our children to be accepted and understood and this couldn’t be truer for parents of kids with autism. I think next time I see that mom I’ll say something so she knows that I know and that Tristan and I think watching wheels is the coolest thing in the world to do.

Learning All Over Again

written by Tracy Tp
One With, One Without



Its really quite strange, but I knew that my youngest son E, didn't have autism from the moment he was born!

He looked at me, that's it. No sixth sense or anything, he just looked at me. As the weeks and months progressed, it was obvious he didn't have autism, and it was a completely new concept for me to get my head around!

It still amazes me today at the things that my youngest does, things that most parents take for granted. I never took anything for granted with S, and things that children learn automatically, from copying/imitating/instinct, never happened, so I had to teach him. I never realised this until I had my youngest, who learned things on his own, then I realised that S didn't have that ability. (he was my first child so I didn't know any different)

S rarely looked at me as a baby/toddler, and when he was older he used to take me by the hand if he wanted something, I was a tool that he could use to obtain things, and then when he got what he needed, I was no longer necessary.

Sounds harsh I know, but that's how it was. There was no emotional attachment, unlike my youngest who looked at me, wanted cuddles, wanted to be with me and wanted to get things for himself, and would only resort to asking me to help him if he couldn't do It!

Even now my youngest wants me to sit with him, do things with him and It took a lot of getting used too! I was used to a child that wanted to be left on his own, didn't make a fuss, or the extreme was having to do strange things or drawing that used to last all day because he would do the same thing over and over again, tantrums because he didn't understand, it was extremes, one or the other, no in between.
I was also used to a child that couldn't speak until around the age of 4, that didn't ask questions, that wasn't interested in going out side to play, or interested in the world around him.

I didn't realise what I, or S to be honest, had missed out on in the early years. My youngest is always playing with toys, pretend playing, cuddling me (that was a new concept for me!) asking questions, trying to write, trying to read...the list is endless.

Having my first child with autism, then one without autism,has been difficult, its taken a long time to adjust to the differences and its been a steep learning curve because I didn't know what a child without autism did! I still ask my friends if E "should be doing this" because I don't know.

In a way its like having a first child and knowing nothing, and learning to be a parent all over again.

Appreciating Autism in our Daily Practice

written by Sylvia van Meerten
Empower Autism


In my quest to encourage people to simply appreciate their co-workers, friends, and loved ones with autism, I sometimes come across this reaction:

“…but my child doesn’t know how to brush his teeth/take a bath/play independently. If I don’t make him learn, how will he ever be independent?”

I also struggle with this dilemma. When we actively teach skills to people with autism, we are walking a tightrope between creating eventual independence, and squashing someone’s true nature. How far should we push someone to do something new, before we are infringing on their dignity?

Here is what I say: If we can make appreciating the true character of the child central to our daily practice, we will keep the equilibrium we need to make solid moment-to-moment decisions. We can take time to plan stuff for them that they will LOVE, even if it’s not therapeutic. If a child loves bright colors, and could use some practice on personal hygiene skills, we can bring some bright paper or cloth out in the yard, play with it, and leave the skills for another time. We can find ways for her/him to get the sensory feedback they crave. Sometimes, we don’t have to practice anything hard.
The Pressure of the Future:

Many parents of children with autism feel as if the entire burden of their child’s future rests with them, and if they could find the right therapy, the right combination of supplements, the right helper, then their child would be OK. This may or not be true. What is certainly true is that if you and your child don’t share some joyful moments, you will both feel frustrated, and under-appreciated.

When I center some of my daily musings on creating big fun (whatever that means for each child), l feel some weight lift off my shoulders. It’s not like I’m going to just stop teaching kids anything, but I’ve found that creating joy, just for fun’s sake, can center my mind to be able to take on the daily challenge of deciding moment-by-moment which battles to pick, and how to stick with them. Creating eventual independence for a child is truly an act of love, but we don’t have to wait until they are ‘finished learning’ to spend some time enjoying them, enjoying life.

Books By Tara Help Autistic Children

Introducing…..Books By Tara!


Since you are reading this, your life has probably been touched (or more likely “profoundly changed”) by a child diagnosed with autism. Mine too! My introduction to autism came first as an Early Childhood/Special Ed. teacher before my youngest son, Jake, was even born. Shortly after Jake’s first birthday, he began showing all the tell-tale signs of autism. Eventually he was diagnosed on the severe end of the spectrum, and my journey which began with my students continued at an even deeper level with my son. Through this journey of connecting, learning, and celebrating; Books By Tara were created. Here’s how it happened in a nutshell.

The deceptively simple skills of being able to attend, learn, communicate, and function even at the most basic level can be very challenging for kids on the spectrum to acquire. Through the Son-Rise® Program I learned to stop fighting for my son’s attention and instead pay attention to it. What does he attend to? He frequently finds everyday details, ones that used to escape my attention, absolutely fascinating! Looking together at photos, illustrations, objects, etc. without pressuring Jake to interact often results in more interaction! Sometimes during these relaxed, connecting moments he breaks through his communication barriers and new words pop out! I feel like I’m winning the lottery!!! One of the first times this happened was looking at a photo of a child with a box on his head in Tana Hoban’s Is it Red? Is it Yellow? Is it Blue? Time after time we had studied this photo together silently, and I really had no idea exactly why Jake found it so interesting. Sometimes I’d comment briefly, “He has a box on his head, that’s so silly!” Jake would occasionally comment back in his usual simplistic, echolalic style “head” or “box”. Excited to have him say anything, I’d celebrate, “Exactly! There’s the box on his head!” and point to it telling him how great he was doing talking to me. Then I’d wait silently for his turn in the interaction. Imagine my surprise when he said super clearly, “Can’t see.” WOAH! He did it! He told me what he’d been thinking about!!! “You’re RIGHT, you brilliant boy! Way to tell me that! He can’t see with a box on his head!” Wow. An interesting photo can be a powerful interactive tool and language promoter if used in a fun, relaxed way. I wanted more.

After years of spending hours and hours scanning old magazines and calendars for just the right photos to make interactive books and games to use with Jake, I received a camera for my birthday. The first book by Tara was born - HOLES. Now I can get pictures to highlight those concepts and activities that most kids find fascinating such as WATER, going through the automatic Car Wash, and making a Jack-O-Lantern. Each book has 19 or more pages of interesting objects and scenes. Big 8X10 photos freeze-frame our fast-paced world to allow as much time and repetition needed to support those non-verbal connections as well as communication breakthroughs. The real life images make these books appropriate for any aged individual to enjoy them, hopefully with an adult who cares deeply and wants to connect at whatever level he/she is able. Interaction is a gift in which we can all learn from each other.

Currently there are 7 titles available, and many more are in the works. Please visit http://www.booksbytara.com/ to find out more. Here you will find testimonials and even more extensive reviews from both parents and professionals. You can also look inside some pages of an actual book. Articles regarding how to invite interaction in positive, effective ways are available to support those who are blessed to interact daily with someone on the autism spectrum. Don’t forget to sign up for the FUN, free eNewsletter for on-going information and updates!

I sincerely appreciate Tammy for this opportunity to introduce the books to you. Our children can be the most amazing teachers and sources of inspiration. Let www.BooksByTara.com bless you on your journey towards connecting, learning, and celebrating life with that special child. By supporting each other, we all learn and grow together. ~ Tara


Language development is more than words;
It starts with connections that can not be heard.
http://www.booksbytara.com/

Little Souls Productions

Give Your Child the Gift of Self-Esteem
By Teri Johnson, Conscious Parenting Expert, Little Soul Productions

Self Esteem is one of those qualities that we hope our children have and we often ignore until we realize there is a problem. By the time a problem arises, we are in crisis mode trying to undue damage to our child’s self worth. As parents, we tell our children they are beautiful or that their smile lights up a room, that they are clever or funny; but these external praises often get snuffed out by more critical messages when our children go off to school. If we are lucky, then our children maintain a sense of knowing who they are and their self-esteem stays in tact, but the truth is, almost no one goes unscathed in the playground of life. If our children don’t feel empowered in their own heart and mind then it doesn’t make any difference how many accolades we give them. This cycle is common, and all too prevalent in children who do not fit in society’s “box.” The diagnosis that so often brings relief to a parent who has been searching for what makes their child unique becomes a label that they have to live with in a rather unkind world.

At Little Soul Productions, we believe that every human being is a bright light with unlimited potential to impact the world positively. We also believe that parents face a daunting task when it comes to getting support. Books are great, but parents need practical everyday tips and tools to help their children be successful. Self Esteem, the first DVD in a new series being put together by Little Soul Productions, gives parents and children simple everyday tools to help nurture and/or instill positive self-esteem. Heartly makes his debut as the life-sized character that encourages children to “Always follow your heart” through and entertaining and engaging story. But more than an entertainment video, this parenting tool provides 3-key activities that parents and caregivers can do with their children to promote a sense of positive self-worth. Easy and manageable with everyday household items, the yoga sequence, craft and animation segments have quickly become childhood favorites and are being touted by psychologists as revolutionary. Included in every DVD is a Parent Guide written with the express purpose of helping parents get the most out of every activity as well as suggestions on how to enhance the activities as the child grows.

Fun and heartwarming for the whole family. Self Esteem can be purchased online at www.littlesoulproductions.com or at a number of retailers listed on our website. For additional parenting support, read our blog The Heartbeat and join us on Facebook, www.facebook.com/littlesoulproductions.

And remember, “Always Follow Your Heart.”

Getting Through a Bad Week

Photo supplied by FreeFoto.com







If you have been on our new AutismLearningFelt forum, than you know that I have had a difficult week. My son has a new teacher this year. She is pushing him to actually work, instead of just being an observer of the classroom. Logically, I think that this is good. He needs to learn to be a functional member of the classroom. On the other hand, the emotional mommy side of me wants to scream at her to leave him alone.

My son doesn’t like to work. His writing skills are very poor. He doesn’t like to use the word processor keyboard or computer keyboard to communicate. His augmentative communication device has not been approved and ordered yet. It is being purchased using his CAP services money. My son has a short attention span. He is distracted easily, and does not like to sit and attend to a task for more than a couple of minutes.

It’s frustrating for him to have to sit and do work. He is extremely intelligent, and the subjects that he is being taught are boring for him. His teacher does not want to advance his materials until he has demonstrated that he is knowledgeable in what he is currently being taught.

I’m trying to get her to understand that part of the problem is that he is bored. I have set up an IEP meeting for us to discuss everything that is going on and to find a solution. The other day, my son tried to stay home from school. He “told” me that he hates school. This was really hard for me because he has always loved school.

I have been struggling with what my next move should be. I spent a whole day crying because I felt like I was failing my son. Then, I had a discussion with my husband. He told me that we should give him some time. My husband feels that our son is just testing us and his teacher. That he needs to be pushed and that he needs to know that there are consequences to not doing his work. Having his free play time taken away at school and having his favorite items taken away at home are why he is unhappy.

We went through this with the potty training. In the end, he was fully potty trained within a month. The last two days of school have been better. His teacher concentrated on writing instead of typing. He finished his school work and has earned all of his items back. His teacher and I decided that since he was showing an interest, and some progress, in writing, we should concentrate on that.

As moms, we go through our daily lives with our families wanting everything to be perfect. Nothing is ever perfect, and we stress over it. When something happens that upsets the fragile balance that we have created, it can seem overwhelming. It doesn’t take much to through me into a tailspin. Luckily, this doesn’t happen as much now as it did when my son was younger. It helps having my husband here with me. He has a way of calming me down that I really appreciate. He sees things differently, and knows how to present his side to me in a manner that will not put me on the defensive. He reminded me that we are a team and we will deal with things as a team.

I hope you will join me over in the AutismLearningFelt forums and share your experiences. I was helped a lot there this past week. It was nice to be able to discuss with another mom what was going on in my life and know that she truly understood.

Board Book Albums

Today, we have a guest writer, Laura Miranti. She is sharing her business and how her Board Book Albums can help with communication. - Tammy, Administrator of AutismLearningFelt

















My name is Laura Miranti and I recently started my own business offering a new product that I created. I am sharing the information with you because I believe that it may help your child’s learning and development. Here's our story:

A few years ago, when my daughter Lucia was a year old, we realized that she was somewhat behind her peers in meeting certain developmental milestones. We began working with a physical therapist and an early learning specialist. It’s amazing to see how much progress Lucia has made! At age 2, she started walking and trying to say lots of words,although most of them we still could not quite make out. The early learning specialist (who is like a speech therapist, but works with children before they begin to talk) suggested that I find Lucia a photo album to put photos of her family, toys, and other familiar objects in her world. When I was unable to find a kid-friendly photo album, I came up with the idea to create a board book photo album. The Take Your Pix (TM) photo album was born! This album has been a wonderful learning tool for Lucia. She loves to turn the pages and look at photos of her family, toys, and other familiar objects in her world. Studies have shown that until the age of two, young children only have object recognition with photos. This means that before the age of two, they can not relate a drawing of an object with the actual object, but they can relate a photo of the object with the actual object.

My hope is that many children will enjoy our Take Your Pix (TM) board book style photo albums (patent pending). Kids with autism, speech delay, or other special needs may find it particularly beneficial as a learning tool, or just something fun to create with their own favorite photos. Our albums encourage speech development as well as fine motor skills. They can also be used with the PECS communication system used by some autistic children. Our albums are also ideal for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's patients who may find the thick pages easier to handle than the thinner pages of traditional photo albums. Take Your Pix (TM) albums are great for scrapbooking, kids crafts, baby and wedding shower gifts, and grandparents' gifts. The possibilities are endless!

Board Book Albums offers a chunky board book style photo album that can be used by small children, big kids, and adults alike. The "Take Your Pix" photo album has sturdy pages, into which photos can be inserted from an opening in the top of the pages. Unlike other albums, our albums have thick sturdy pages that are perfect for little kids to handle (like the kids chunky board books). We have also added notches on the page edges to facilitate page turning. We hope that you and your children enjoy them as much as we have. Please visit our website at www.boardbookalbums.com for additional information or to place an order. Call or email us for wholesale pricing.

On with the Learning!

Since I don't have an autistic child, today was the first time I've done any research into what is available in camps and therapy.

Today I discovered that there are camps for autistic/special needs children. There are boarding schools, wilderness programs, horse or elephant(? seriously, although I've not done more extensive checking into that area yet) therapy, autism summer camps, and Easter Seals camps. Apparently, one just has to start digging for the information.

Directories are available for finding camps, which isn't a bad idea. It's always a good idea to get feedback from other parents. Of course, do keep in mind that what is a terrible experience for one may not happen with another. It may be just a matter of seeing for yourself based on what one can afford and how manageable a trip to one of these camps would be.

As for the animal therapy, I have known of one mom who used horse therapy for her son. It was a great success. Animals have been taken into nursing homes to calm and comfort the elderly. Animals have been used in hospitals to provide uplifting for children under dire physical or emotional trauma.

Animal therapy can develop a bond between the child and the animal. Sometimes animals can reach children where humans cannot. Animals don't judge or criticize, and some of them have a tremendous amount of patience.

Animals can help autistic children develop abilities, provide comfort, uplift the emotions and the spirit, and help them develop more confidence and self-control among other things. It has more positives than I will ever know, but if any of you have experience with it...please share with the rest of us. It would be nice to read the personal success stories.

Keeping Your Marriage Strong

I’ve covered a lot of topics that parents of a child with autism deal with. One topic that I have not covered is how to maintain your relationship as a couple. I don’t know the exact statistics, but I do know that the divorce rate among couples with a child with a disability are higher than that of couples without. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me that parents of children with autism have the highest divorce rate.

We spend so much time and energy taking care of our kids, we tend to neglect each other. My husband and I do our best to make sure we have a balance in our relationship with our kids and ourselves. Do we get enough time for each other? No. We do take moments that help us connect with one another.

At home, when one of us is going in one direction and the other in a different direction, we will stop and take a moment to hug. It doesn’t sound like much, and only lasts about a minute, but it means a lot. We take a moment to say “I love you” and a have a physical connection, then go about taking care of the kids. If one of us is walking by the other to take care of the latest crisis, a light caress and off we go. In the car, we will hold hands. During meals at the table, we will exchange light touches.

These little moments keep us connected. They let both of us know that we are in this together. We don’t go out without the kids that often. We try to arrange a weekend twice a year, but that is about all we get. After the kids go to bed, we take time to talk about anything that we can not discuss in front of the kids. Then, if we are not too tired, we make love. Unfortunately, it is not as often as either of us would like. If you have a child with autism or any child with a disability, then you know what I am talking about. That is why it is so important for us to make the little connections.

We love each other and our kids. That is the foundation of our relationship. To keep our connection strong, we discuss everything that is on our minds. If something is bothering us or something great happened, we discuss it. It is really important that we let each other know when we are upset about something and why. When an issue is left unspoken, it can fester and grow. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to work out the problem.

Our children need us to be happy and secure in our relationship. It is what allows us to give them the best of ourselves. It is also what gets us through the tough times. Let’s face it, there are a lot of tough times when raising an autistic child. What do you do to keep your relationship with your spouse connected and strong?

Day 4 of Learning Autism

Today, I decided to do some research for those of us who do not understand autism. My favorite pasttime aside from my addiction to the computer is to read. For those of you who groan at the idea of reading, and I know you are out there (you poor souls), there are handy little devices called audio tapes which allow you to listen rather than strain your eyes and your patience on print.

I have not read these books myself, so please do not judge me or send me virtual rotten tomatoes. I am merely trying to assist and hopefully get someone started on an educational journey that will enrich their knowledge and understanding of autism. If you are not the parent or teacher of an autistic child, perhaps you are a relative or friend who could lend tremendous moral and emotional support by showing your interest in wanting to help.

Any comments or reviews on the books for today's list are welcome and could prove helpful. The list is as follows:

Learning as we Grow by Nicole Beurkens
Learning to Live with High Functioning Autism by Mike Stanton
Mindblindness: An Essay on Autism and Theory of Mind by Simon Baron Cohen
Understanding Autism for Dummies by Stephen Shore and Linda Rastelli
Understanding Autism by Susan M. Dodd
Disconnected Kids by Robert Melillo

If you have a book to add to the list, please send your suggestions. Any of the books listed above can be found online. A wonderful source that I always support is a nearby library. Sometimes the librarians are able to have the books borrowed from other libraries, so ask about the particulars of this process.

Is Fox's Bones an Aspie

boneswiki.fox.com

I have been watching Fox's tv drama Bones since it's debut. The show is made up of an ensemble cast that centers around the two characters Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan and FBI agent Seeley Booth. Bones is a highly intelligent woman that has difficulty interacting socially with her co-workers, is a very literal thinker, and has problems displaying emotions.

Now, I don't think the producers and writers wrote the character with the intention of her having Asperger's Syndrome. I have noticed that she has some of the traits that you would find with a person diagnosed with Aspie's. I have noticed how she has difficulties picking up on conversational cues and needs help from her friends to understand what is considered a "typical" conversational progression when the discussions are not directly related to her area of expertise. Bones is a forensic scientist. She can carry on an analytical conversation that is centered around science. When emotions, or personal interests, come up into conversation, she struggles and often misses what she is "supposed" to be saying. She drops the conversational ball and how she should have contributed to the conversation explained to her.

Dr. Brennan has a deep emotional attachment to her co-workers, but has trouble displaying these emotions. They know and accept this. I enjoy watching when the character Angela Montenegro and Bones sit together and Angela explains to Bones the emotional and behavioral reasons that were behind a situation that Bones doesn't understand. It is like watching an adult explain to a child how to react in different situations or why others had reacted the way they did.

I just find Bones' quaky characteristics to be similar to that of a person diagnosed with Asperger's. The show has established that the reasons are because of her intelligence and upbringing. I'm just wondering, if anyone else has noticed the similarities, too. Like I said, I love this show. I am looking forward to the new season starting and will continue to ponder the question, Is she or isn't she an Aspie?

Day 3 on Learning Autism

Life has kept me busy and ill the past few days, but I finally got my chance to do further research on autism tonight. I guess I am curious about autism because I am finding it to be a challenge to actually put myself in the shoes of a mother who has to learn it.

Today I was thinking about how kids who have autism are as unique in their own rights as children who do not. We are all created equal and different, thankfully. I certainly don't like the idea of a world where everyone would be a clone! But when I hear about someone who has an even bigger challenge getting through life, like autism, my tendency (sorry Moms) is to think on a general scale rather than an individual one. I suppose, unfortunately, I have stereotyped. My apologies.

Because of the differences in children with autism, I wondered about the educational process. It seems one of the ways to help a child with autism can be with games. The gaming/educational industry has discovered much value in learning through games. I found some sites that feature games of all sorts, and I hope to pass on something useful for anyone who may have found it a challenge to gather the right games for their child.

http://www.playonwords.com
http://www.simplesongs.blogs.com
http://www.iautistic.com
http://www.freeprintablefun.org
http://www.dotolearn.com
http://www.autism.lovetoknow.com
http://www.autism.about.com
http://www.techpsych.blogspot.com

Learning Autism/Day Two

Hello All,
I'm back with my second attempt to learn autism. Day Two holds the question of why does autism occur?

I've read that a genetic brain disorder is the problem. Other reasons include lack of the protein glutathione, toxin buildup from vaccines, environmental toxins, lyme disease, and possibly undeveloped immune systems.

My final decision is that it must be like taking your car to several mechanics for a diagnoses of what went wrong. Each one will likely find a different reason your car malfunctioned. I believe the same is true of doctors.
The problem is that the human body is like the car in the way that each diagnoses could be right or wrong.

My conclusion is that it truly doesn't matter what causes autism. What matters is how it is handled by those who must be responsible for the child in care. Our actions, our education, and our reactions affect others...not only those who suffer autism, but also those who care for these unfortunate individuals.

I've heard that mothers who face children with a challenge would not change a thing were they to have the chance to re-live their life. The thing is that I believe everything happens for a reason. We don't always understand, nor are we meant to understand. What matters is what we do about it.

Yes, I'm standing on the outside looking in. I'm sure that makes me look less than qualified to take this sort of perspective on the autism issue. Before anyone decides to pound me for this, please understand that each of us has a purpose in this life. I'm only trying to fulfill mine.

We learn from our times in the valleys. If this post finds you in a valley, forgive me for being so bold; but take each opportunity you can and learn while you can.

Welcome to AutismLearningFelt Shawnee

I am happy to have Shawnee, from I Can Do It, joining this blog as an author. I think she provides a new perspective for all of my readers. I also think that she is very brave for taking on the subject of Autism. Shawnee admits that she is starting off with almost no knowledge of this subject that is so close to my heart. She has taken on the challenge of learning everything she can about it and sharing that knowledge here.

Shawnee is undertaking a great journey. I remember when I knew nothing about Autism. I, like so many parents, was forced into discovering everything I could. Unlike me, Shawnee doesn't have a personal relationship with anyone diagnosed with Autism. She has volunteered to learn about it and us.

Please, welcome Shawnee to my blog. It is my hope that she will find support and kindness in the comments left on her posts. We always say that life would be better if more people would take the time to learn about Autism. That can only happen one person at a time. If Shawnee can inspire just one person to start their own journey of knowledge, then she will have accomplished a very special thing. If you haven't read her first post here at Autism Learning Felt, here is the Link.

Learning About Autism--As an Outsider

Thanks to Tammy, I have been invited to contribute to a blog that will prove educational to someone who is viewing autism from the outside. I've not known anyone with autism personally, nor someone who had an autistic child (at least not to my knowledge). I believe it is a benefit to try to understand others so that I can relate to my fellow human beings in a better way. Two, I have a natural curiosity to learn. Three, what if I someday have a grandchild who is autistic? After all, life has no guarantees. Four, God may have led me in this direction because he is trying to prepare me for something.

I began my journey by researching autism on the web. It seems it will not be so easy to jump in and comprehend as I had hoped. That's ok, I'm here to learn. All autistic children are not alike. That makes sense, we are all created differently in some way (even twins). Ok, you Moms who have experience can laugh at my naivete'. But this is also a blog to help others know what you go through, correct? It is entirely possible that other Moms of autistic children are thinking they are alone in their journey or that no one else could possibly understand. Plus, there may be people who have no idea what is going on with their child and have no idea what to do about it. Even today with the advancement of technology and education on all sorts of disorders, there is still a lack of awareness.

So, on my first day in this education of autism, I found some of the symptoms. Common symptoms are: seizures, gastrointestinal problems, mental retardation, and mental illness. Notice I stated "common". Others can be: little verbal interaction, repetitive behavior, few interests, hyper or hypo sensitivity to light-sounds-crowds-and other external stimulation, delayed or unusual speech patterns, high pitched or flat intonation, lack of slang, difficulty understanding tone of voice or body language, lack of eye contact, and the inability to take another perspective.

If anyone has something to add to the list, please leave your comments.
That's all for today. After all, it's a blog, not a book.

Fox's Upcoming Mental Episode Deals With Autism

“MENTAL is a medical mystery drama featuring Dr. Jack Gallagher, a radically unorthodox psychiatrist who becomes Director of Mental Health Services at a Los Angeles hospital where he takes on patients battling unknown, misunderstood and often misdiagnosed psychiatric conditions. Dr. Gallagher delves inside their minds to gain a true understanding of who his patients are, allowing him to uncover what might be the key to their long-term recovery. “

I have been watching this show since it’s first episode. I find it to be funny and intriguing. The topics that have been covered so far are handled with care. The main characters interact in a similar way that characters on a soap opera do. I love my daytime shows, so this is a compliment, not an insult.
Dr. Gallagher, played by Chris Vance, is the doctor with a heart. He has personal experience with mental illness. His twin sister has issues that are slowly being explained. Dr. Gallagher is more concerned with helping his patients then doing what other staff members may consider the politically correct choice. This puts him at odds with Dr. Carl Belle, played by Derek Webster, the “money maker” of the show. Dr Belle is more concerned in furthering his status, rank and checkbook then doing what is right for the patient. He also has no qualms about blackmailing another doctor to spy on Dr. Gallagher.

All the characters work well together, and I am looking forward to watching the next episode airing on Fox Broadcasting Co., on Friday, July 24, 2009. The show will center around a young autistic child that witnesses a horrible crime. Dr. Gallagher wants to do anything he can to help and protect this young girl. Now, I got this information from watching the preview commercial. It looks to be really interesting and the kind of show that will really pull on my heart strings.

Whenever I watch a show that has a character that is an autistic child, I have a hard time controlling my emotions. There have been several shows that have written an autistic character into it’s storyline and done so with great care and sensitivity. I am anxious to see how this show handles the complexity of this type of character and I hope I will not be disappointed.

Dealing With Bigotry

Dealing with bigotry is a life long battle. It doesn't matter what the reason is, it is wrong. There is a group of people that deal with this everyday of their lives, yet it is not discussed within mainstream America. I'm talking about people with disabilities. It doesn't matter what the disability is, people that do not know or are related to a person with a disability, tend to treat people like my son differently.

It angers me the way people that do not know my son will look at him and make assumtions that are way off base. It angers me that people will hear the word "Autism" and make assumptions about my son that are false. Autism is a diagnosis, it is not a person. You can not assume that all children and all adults with autism are the same. When someone talks to my son, and finds out that he is not verbal, their voices become louder. It's like they automatically assume that hearing is ralated to vocalization. Maybe they think if they talk loud enough, my son will learn how to vocalize his thoughts? All this ends up doing is upsetting my son. His hearing is oversensitive. I can guarantee his hearing is better than the person talking to him.

I am also angered at the way people tend to take one look at my son and decide that he is not intelligent. My son is smarter than most adults that work with him. It angers me to think about how adults with autism are treated now and I worry about what my son will have to deal with when he gets older. There are adults with Autism that hide their diagnosis from others, for fear of it costing them their job. As far as I am concerned, it shouldn't be a factor. Yet, I know, it is a fact of life. Bigotry when applied to a person with a disability can be the cruelest of them all. People don't acknowledge it. Cruel jokes that refer to "retards" or any other terminology meant to be derogatory, are heard and laughed at without a thought about the impact they have on children and adults living with a disability. I have had family members use the word "retard" in front of my son and not think anything about it. When I point it out to them, I am the one being oversensitive. I am told that they do not think of my son like that and I should get over it.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. We all have something that makes us different from others. Try to put yourself in another's shoes. Imagine how you would feel if you had a disability and people started treating you like a non-person. The next time you encounter a person with a disability, please, try to see the person. Don't make assumptions, get to know the person, who she/he is, and what that person can do.

Back To School Shopping

Shopping for clothes for my son is difficult. I have to get elastic waste pants or shorts because he doesn’t know how to do buttons or snaps. I have to get slip on shoes because he doesn’t know how to tie shoelaces. I also have difficulties with tags on his shirts. Usually, I end up cutting them out, but even cut out, they still bother him. Thankfully, manufacturers are now starting to make tagless clothes.

Hanes is one clothing manufacturer that becoming well known for now being tagless. Yeah! My son has Hanes t-shirts, boxer shorts, and underwear. I can find Hanes in most of the stores we go in to shop for clothes. I don’t even need to bring my son, because I can always be confident that the sizes I pick out for him are correct.


If your child needs a belt to wear, MySelfBelts sent me some information about their belts. I think they sound like a great idea for kids. I don’t have any, but I read the description and looked at the pictures. These belts use Velcro. I think children who have poor fine motor skills (like my son) would have an easier time with the MySelfBelts. They also come with different themes to fit your child’s tastes. Their website is www.myselfbelts.com.

I was also given information about Be Buddies Not Bullies t-shirt from www.verymeri.com. The neckline is great for kids that have trouble with the necklines on shirts being too confining. The company also has these shirts available for schools to use as fundraisers.

I also would like to share some information from another mom that I think has excellent advice on back to school shopping:

Norma Rosenfield, Woodland Hills, CA mom of a 10-year-old boy with autism

We have had a hard time for years and years with clothing and shoes. I have a few tips in case it is helpful:
“- oftentimes, Walmart and sometimes Target will carry jeans that have full elastic waists. But they sell fast, so you have to get in right away. We started running into a problem as our son got older, because he would put his hands in his pants, and we needed to have a button & zipper. We can't go into the store to try on clothes, so it was really hard to find jeans that would fit. Now, we use jeans from Lands End with the elastic on the sides and they also have adjustable straps. If they don't fit, for some reason, you can take them back to your local Sears store for a refund without a problem. I also noticed that Gap Kids has elastic waisted jeans with a button up front on its website--they look like a good deal of elastic all the way around. These are all good options for parents who cannot take their kids into the store to try clothes on (like us).

- for shoes, I've shopped at Stride Rite for many years because they go all the way up to size 7 for big boys - the shoes have the velcro hook and loop straps. But now it is getting harder, as he gets into 7 or higher. The men's shoes with velcro are the stuff that old men wear in the nursing home. So I'm on a hunt for better options and considering laces at this point. I saw some cute Converse velcro strap shoes on Gap Kids, however, they are for younger kids. They are cute though and I think they were under $25.”

Going shopping with our children can be extremely difficult. Some people choose to shop alone and guess at the clothing sizes. If you do this, make sure you know the store’s return policy. Other’s, like me, like to take our child to the store to try on the clothes. I like to do this early in the morning. There are less people in the store and my son is his at his best at the beginning of the day. I let my son choose what he likes, within the limits that I provide him. I steer him away from anything with buttons or snaps. I keep the shopping trip short. We do not need to buy everything at once. Parents know the limits of their children. Don’t get caught up in trying to do everything at once. Watch for the signs from your child that it is time to bring your shopping trip to an end. Afterwards, do yourself and your child a favor. Give both of yourselves a special treat, a reward that will make the shopping trip worth it.

Autism x6

Last night, I watched Autism x6, which originally aired in 2008. I think it is amazing how two parents can keep up with six children with autism. I struggle with two children and only one is autistic. The six children are all so different, all on different areas of the spectrum.

The two I could relate to the most was the nonverbal children. The young boy was adorable to watch. I could just see his mind working all the time, trying to figure things out. The girl was adorable, too. I was a little irritated when the doctor said that they do not expect her to make any big advances in her development, since she was 9 1/2 and most advances occurs before the age of 6. I totally disagree with this. My nonverbal son has made a great deal of advancement in the last two years. He is ten. I watched the girl on the show and I saw a child that needs a sensory regimen and a way to communicate. I learned, from my son, that until a nonverbal child has a way to communicate, you can not judge that child's intelligence. I was also a little irked by the doctor saying that this little girl did not respond when her name was called. Every time they showed the doctor calling to the little girl by name, I saw a response. It was subtle, but it was there. Raising a nonverbal child for ten years may make me super sensitive to nonverbal cues.

I have an extremely intelligent son and everyone used to say the same things about him that was said on the show last night. It really hit me hard and makes me want to scream and yell at the professionals working with this wonderful little girl. The other children were also terrific. I am really impressed that the parents of these six kids have managed to keep their sanity. I would really like to know how the whole family is doing now.

Doctors and Hospitals

One of the hardest things for parents is taking our child to the doctor’s office. One thing that is harder than that, is taking him to the hospital. By the age of five, my son had six different surgeries. These were all minor surgeries, done as an outpatient.

When he was a baby, it was relatively easy to take him in for a procedure. As he got older, it became harder and harder. Here was our little boy, nonverbal, and we had no idea what he understood. My husband and I would talk to him and explain what was going on. Looking back now, I think he understood. Did it make a difference? No. Think about. You are three years old and people are sticking needles into you. What child is going to truly understand that?

One of the worse visits to the hospital was a trip to the emergency room. He was around three years old. He was screaming and swatting at his stomach. It was obvious to me that something was wrong. As we drove to the hospital, he started calming down. By the time we got there, he wasn’t that upset. We waited to get in to be registered. I could see he was starting to get upset again. When our name was called, I took him into the little office to take care of the paperwork. I told her something serious was going on and I didn’t know what. I explained that he couldn’t talk. The lady just looked at me like I was stupid. Then, my son started screaming and crying in pain. I could see a doctor through the door and I watched as he started walking over to us. I was crying as I explained to him that my son doesn’t talk and could not answer any questions. The doctor called for a nurse and said that it was obvious my son was in a great deal of pain. They took us into the back and made the lady registering my son come to us after they had things under control.

Dealing with people at a hospital or doctor’s office that do not understand is a common occurrence. They come at my son with needles and gizmos. They talk loud, as if he has a problem hearing (because he doesn’t talk) and that scares him. It’s important that before anyone touches or tries to assess my son, I explain how to approach him. I also like for a health care professionals to talk to my son the same way they would any other child. My son finds the experience a whole lot easier if he is treated as a real person. We are lucky to have a good team of pediatric doctors that takes care of him. They all talk with him and ask him questions. Of course, it takes longer for the visit because my son has to slowly type out an answer. No one seems to mind. They all love having him come in, no matter what the reason. The hospital, on the other hand, is always difficult. I have not come up with a way to make the experience better for my son and me. It is a roll of the dice as to what kind of people are working at the time. I do, however, make them slow down and take their time. I don’t care if they are in a hurry. My son needs to have things explained to him. He needs to be given a chance to cooperate before they decide to come at him with the needles and what not. They might get frustrated with me. Too bad. My son is my only concern.