Being a mom is the most important job you can have. It doesn’t matter if you are a stay at home mom, work at home mom, or work away from the home mom. You are a mom first and that is your most important job. So why does everyone take extreme views about working at home versus working away from the home? I’ve done both and doing both, I always put my family first.
When my youngest was born, I was a work away from the home mom. I put my daughter in daycare and I worked long hours. My oldest was in a special school for special needs children. I wouldn’t see my kids that often. I felt like it was bring the kids home, bath and bed. No time to actually be with my kids.
I missed my daughter so much and my son seemed like he was losing out on the one on one time he needed with me to help him with skills the school wasn’t teaching. When we all came down with a stomach bug, I had to stay at home and take care of everyone. My husband had to go to work, and someone needed to stay home. There wasn’t a choice, as far as I was concerned. My kids needed me. My work, didn’t agree. When I got back to work, I was written up. I immediately handed in my resignation.
I had enough. I felt my family was being neglected and I was not going to pick my work over my kids for any reason. It was tough. My husband and I knew that living on one income would be difficult. We were determined to make it work.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a work away from the home mom’s negative opinion of a stay at home mom. I just don’t understand why she thought that I wasn’t important. I don’t understand why she seemed to feel that she was a better person because she had a job away from the home. What I was doing and am doing, is important.
I am a teacher, therapist, psychologist and mommy. I am a cook, housekeeper (admittedly, not a very good housekeeper because I am so busy with everything else), bookkeeper and referee. I do everything. It’s not easy making one income stretch in this economy. Especially, now that my husband’s work has cut everyone’s pay by $3 an hour. I deserve just as much respect as a work away from home mom.
On the other hand, I’ve seen some stay at home moms that disparage a working away from the home mom. That’s not right, either. She loves and cares for her family just as much as we do. Her reasons for working away from home are just as sound as ours for staying at home.
As far as I am concerned, we all need to accept each other’s choice. We do what is best for our families. No one has a right to put down another mom’s parenting and working decisions. As long as the children are being well cared for and are happy, that is all that matters. You can not judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes. You can make assumptions and observations, but you don’t know what their family is like unless you live with them.
Let’s all just get along.
11 comments:
I have always lived by the "you have to do what works for your family" mantra. We had a period of life where my husband was the stay at home dad. Do you think the stay at home moms applauded him and supported me for bringing home the bacon? No. And it was sad.
Families have different situations and different ways to deal with them. I totally agree with you... "No one has a right to put down another mom’s parenting and working decisions. As long as the children are being well cared for and are happy, that is all that matters."
I agree with you! What a great post! :)
I agree with what you have said. I have always been a working mom (whether I work at home or outside the home) and have run into so many stay-at-home- moms who have a negative attitude to moms who work. I am sure there are working moms who treat stay at home moms that way, just not where we live.
Kudos to you. It is so important to give ourselves permission to do what is best for you and yours. It is always easier for others to point the finger and make comment without knowing the facts. But you, who is enduring or happen to be the one 'going through' a situation only knows best. You many not have all of the answers or ducks lined up at the time but you know when you need to take the next step and you should go ahead despite the comments of the peanut gallery.
Your sanity and the smiles and appreciation of the loved ones is what matters.
Nice job!
This was a great post, Tammy. Way to go! You are so right. I used to actually have to defend myself to other mothers when I did not work and stayed home with my children. They would ask what I did with my time, like I just sat in front of the tv all day or something. Sad.
I have worked outside of the home far more than I have been home. You are correct in that we are moms no matter where we work and we do our best for our family either way. Not everyone can make staying home work nor do they want that. And others want that and manage just fine. I don't judge either way. Great post!
Tammy,
You are very wise. I get lots of flack from some people and nothing from others. The main comment I always seem to get, is "what do you do all day since you are home?" or my personal fav.... "How do you not get sick of your kids?"
I really think being a stay at home mom isn't for everyone, but each family has to decide that. My husband has several close friends who are stay at home Dads...
Again, each family has to do what is best for their needs. I would love to get back in the work force, but it isn't feesible for our family right now. If I am not home, Gannon looses his therapy each morning...and we only get the free therapy for one more year. I LOVE staying at home raising my kids! LOVE LOVE LOVE it! But at the same time, I wish I could do more to contribute to our financial needs as well. Today is much different from the "olden days" when the majority of mothers stayed at home. Times changes and so do families needs.
You wrote a great post!
I feel the same way, Sherri. If I went back to work, my son would lose his insurance. Plus, I am homeschooling him now, and I wouldn't be able to do that if I was working away from the home. Sometimes, I feel guilty that my husband has to shoulder the financial weight of our family. I'm lucky that he supports me in staying home. He sees how good it is for our boy. We both think that this is the best thing for our family at this time. It doesn't mean that it will be forever. We will take things as they come.
Very well written. I agree that every mom needs to do what's best for her family. And everyone else needs to respect that decision.
What a great post. I definitely agree that we all do what is best for US and our families. Thanks for bringing it to light!
this topic so irks me. I too feel like now that I'm a stay at home mom I catch a bit of the Oh you don't have to work look...
UM hello I wear many hats..NOW Where's my dang pay check! Oh that is right I get paid in hugs and kisses.
I used to work out of the home and let me tell you staying at home with my children all day is certainly harder work and it out weights the rewards. This is what is right for me may not be right for all but its right for me!!
Great post thanks
Post a Comment