Dealing with bigotry is a life long battle. It doesn't matter what the reason is, it is wrong. There is a group of people that deal with this everyday of their lives, yet it is not discussed within mainstream America. I'm talking about people with disabilities. It doesn't matter what the disability is, people that do not know or are related to a person with a disability, tend to treat people like my son differently.
It angers me the way people that do not know my son will look at him and make assumtions that are way off base. It angers me that people will hear the word "Autism" and make assumptions about my son that are false. Autism is a diagnosis, it is not a person. You can not assume that all children and all adults with autism are the same. When someone talks to my son, and finds out that he is not verbal, their voices become louder. It's like they automatically assume that hearing is ralated to vocalization. Maybe they think if they talk loud enough, my son will learn how to vocalize his thoughts? All this ends up doing is upsetting my son. His hearing is oversensitive. I can guarantee his hearing is better than the person talking to him.
I am also angered at the way people tend to take one look at my son and decide that he is not intelligent. My son is smarter than most adults that work with him. It angers me to think about how adults with autism are treated now and I worry about what my son will have to deal with when he gets older. There are adults with Autism that hide their diagnosis from others, for fear of it costing them their job. As far as I am concerned, it shouldn't be a factor. Yet, I know, it is a fact of life. Bigotry when applied to a person with a disability can be the cruelest of them all. People don't acknowledge it. Cruel jokes that refer to "retards" or any other terminology meant to be derogatory, are heard and laughed at without a thought about the impact they have on children and adults living with a disability. I have had family members use the word "retard" in front of my son and not think anything about it. When I point it out to them, I am the one being oversensitive. I am told that they do not think of my son like that and I should get over it.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. We all have something that makes us different from others. Try to put yourself in another's shoes. Imagine how you would feel if you had a disability and people started treating you like a non-person. The next time you encounter a person with a disability, please, try to see the person. Don't make assumptions, get to know the person, who she/he is, and what that person can do.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
I'll try....pinky promise.
It is sheer ignorance to make such assumptions. Every single one of us is a special person with gifts and talents that are unique to us. We all are worthy and one of a kind.
I hate people like that. I've gotten to the point where I stare back at people in public and wave, or trot the kids over and say, "Hi!".
The best way to deal with family members who speak like that are to cut them out of your life. Totally. If you think it hurts to cut them out, remember how bad it hurts when they are so insensitive. How much more will it hurt your son when he hears their thoughtless words when he is older?
You are so right with people and their assumptions. I can not stand the word retard. It really makes my skin crawl when people say it.
I have an autistic grandson. I would hate to have him ever referred to as a retard. He is not yet three years old, but I believe he recognizes differences and above all I want him to know both security and love. He is lucky to have two loving mothers who are doing all they can to help him. I love to hear him laugh and his verbal skills are improving. I am glad that I have found your blog and plan to come back often.
You must educate people that are misguided. The easiest way is to explain the principle of People First.
"Excuse me, I heard you use a term that you may not realize is derogatory. Always put people first when discussing our differences. This is my son and he has autism. He does not have mental retardation. If he did, I would ask that you put people first and refer to him by his name and not refer to his mental retardation. Thanks."
If your son has a diagnosis of autism, this fact is in his medical and school records. If people want to know, they will. I would suggest that you and he do not deny it.
God bless.
I agree that people do judge people based on what they see, but there are good people too. I hope you have met people who are sensitive and sympathetic also. You sound very angry. Hope you see the good people too because that can bring you a sense of peace. We have a child that has some problems also and I would get very upset at first when people would stare at him and talk behind our backs. I know that none of that matters. Trust in God and know that only His opinions matter.
Hi CyberCelt- I don't deny my son's diagnosis. That would be like denying my son. I am proud of him and I do my best to educate others. It gets frustrating, at times, when I see my son hurting because of something he has heard.
Hi Vickie - Yes, I do get very angry at times. I do see the good in people, and we have been blessed to meet people that are understanding and sympathetic. Unfortunately, it only takes one person to rip my son's heart out. That is what makes me so angry. I can't control what others say, I can only try to educate them and hope my son will understand that he is a wonderful child and is loved.
Hi Census- I agree 100%.
Hi Maddie - So cute. You brought a smile to my face.
Hi Julie - I have done the same thing. I can't cut my family out of our lives. They love my kids. I have noticed that they are trying harder to be more considerate, but I do limit the amount of time my kids are around them. It seems tat short visits are easier.
Hi Stacie - I hear that word and my skin crawls, too. It is so sad how people will use that word with no thought as to how much power it has to hurt.
Grrrr! I know how you feel. I am so tired of people automatically downgrading my son's abilities, as in the case of my own mother-in-law, who stated that my son might make a good janitor when he grows up. (I have nothing against janitors, by the way, but my son wants to be an attorney and own his own business).
I can't wait for my little boy to show what he CAN do, and I guarantee that he'll knock whatever he decides to do out of the park.
Thank you! My son and I are both on the spectrum - Asperger's Syndrome.
This past week was extremely difficult for me as we had some parents trolling my radio show's chat room. These parents started verbally attacking me & my adult Aspie friends. These parents stated that we (Aspies) are all fakes, ignorant, and pathetic. They further stated that we have no right to be speaking out for ourselves.
How dare they? They have no idea what I deal with every single day due to communication & language challenges. These parents seem to forget that I am not 5 like their children - I am 45..... and they have no idea how difficult the challenges were for me when I was their child's age - just ask my mother!!!
This is my reply: To all parents who are trolling the intenet to attack & bully adults with autism who have chosen to embrace their neurodiversity, remember: One day your children will be adults with autism. How will you respond when your child becomes the victim of bullish attacks from haters who claim your child should "shut up" as you demand that I do? Have you overlooked the fact that I am someone's daughter too?
Again, thank you for posting this blog - it means a lot to so many of us who deal with the reality of these haters everyday.
We deal with the same but also different. Our kids are verbal but they lose their place in the conversation , know they should be talking about something and go off topic. PPl assume that they are not intelligent. They suffer from a case of " well you don't look disabled" then ppl even other kids wont be their friends because they are different. The worst of it is they are aware they are different . Which causes HUGE anxiety and makes it even harder for them to talk.
Dana
Twitter name VT Sunrise
Last week I left my son at summer school and cried the whole way home. He tried to play with some boys on the playground and because of his auditory processing disorder could not understand the rules of the game. One of the boys called him stupid and said he couldn't play with them. My son was devastated. He's only 6-1/2. It broke my heart.
I came home and posted on Twitter asking if anybody know of programs to sensitive elementary school children to disabilities. I was introduced to http://www.touchofunderstanding.org.php5-10.websitetestlink.com/ They have an excellent program which has garned great success. Unfortunately they are in Sacramento, and we live in L.A. So I am determined to find a way to bring the program here. Our children need awareness and understanding, not more challenges to make their lives more difficult!
My son was diagnosed with Aspergers, which is on the Autism spectrum, as well as anxiety disorder. He's very bright, he's just shy and socially awkward. Kids make fun of him and it breaks my heart. He is almost 10 and he doesn't have any friends except two girls which are really my daughter's friends. He's just now learning how to swim and we're trying very hard to get him to do some basic things like running and tossing/catching a ball.
Kids can be VERY cruel and they learn from their parents. As adults we should know better. Before they ASSUME your child is "different" they should learn more about it before making assumptions. My son is very bright, he just has a hard time with other things.
I'm sorry to ramble.
Hun I totally understand... I myself am disabled because I had cancer when I was 12...
I have a HUGE scar on my left leg and a smaller scar on my chest (along the collar bone) and ever since I was 12 people see it, stare, gawk...
I have had kids tell me ewww thats ugly and their parents just shrug and say "kids" like as if that made it ok...
I have learned to cope with it over the years... but no one should HAVE to "cope" with ignorance...
Now if anyone comments about it I say well this ugly old scar is better than being dead! To which I usually get a stare like "OMG did she just say that?" and then I explain that I had cancer when I was younger and it was either have a big nasty scar or lose my life and I choose to survive.
To which I usually get OMG I'm so sorry and I tell them don't be, I'm fine, been in remission since '96, it doesn't hurt and life goes on... it's just a reminder that life is precious and to enjoy it while you have it...
BKA I use the physical to educate the ignorant...
I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I have a son that is almost 27 months old and still has great difficulty walking, he walks more like a 12 month old than his age. He wears braces on his feet and is undergoing tests but boy does he get looks and whispers by other parents. They say things like "Shouldn't that kid be walking better than that by now?" etc. I can't imagine being so insensitive to others. You have such a nice blog. God bless.
I couldn't agree more. I detest the misuse of the word retarded.
My youngest is 10 and has Down Syndrome so we encounter a lot of weird looks and overhear even more ignorant statements.
Why is it people don't think before they speak?
I believe it all comes from your environment. Children aren't born mean or prejudiced, they learn it from others.
GREAT post! I only wish MORE people could read this post and get a clue! I am a special education para-professional and I also coordination a special needs ministry for a church use to attend.
People can be so cruel and that makes me sad! They're the ones missing out though because each of the children I have worked with has touch my life and helped me grow as a person. The young boy I am working with now is smarter than a lot of the other kids in his class and he's light years ahead of them in many ways.
I understand this so much more than I wish I did , my son is an aspie , but it is ME that gets the crap. I had a stroke when I was younger and it effects my speech and the function of one eye , leaving my speech slurred. I amazed at people who talk to me like a chid because I slur or act like I am less intelligent because of my slur.
I had this vomit inducing experience with my sons Special ED TEACHER !!
We have since withdrawn him , for other reasons , but the depth of her stupidity made me question her ability at all.
Post a Comment